Practical Jokes!!!!!

[CasinoChris]

This post should raise a few replies!
Time at sea can be a little monotonous, so any opportunity to alleviate the boredom is seized with enthusiasm.
The following tale was passed to me by one of the senior cabin stewards who had served on th QM1 and QE1.
A junior but very efficient young cabin stewardess was the victim selected.... During one of the Hotel manager's routine cabin inspections the senior stewards were conducting their own pre-inspection during which thy had hidden a large chamber pot full of cold Tea and containing two very burned english sausages.........The stewardess being somewhat nervous was assured that her cabins looked great until one of the seniors pulled the chamber pot from under the bed,
'what are we going to do?' she asked, 'the hotel manager is next door!' 'Only one thing for it!' replied the senior steward who proceeded to eat one of the sausages......A nurse armed with smelling salts had to be called!!!
Cheers
CasinoChris

[CasinoChris]

Hi there,
here is another little prank that occurred while I was on board. One fine morning in mid crossing when the Atlantic was doing it's best impersonation of the Caribbean I noticed that there were very few passengers about especially as we were nearly full. A little later the TV station manager showed up wearing a cheshire cat grin!!! Have you checked out channel one this morning? he asked.
Now channel one on the cabin TV's was the 'view from the bridge', basically a camera  mounted on top of the wheelhouse. Instead of the live view he had put on a recording of a particularly nasty storm showing the bows heaving up and down.
When waking in the morning it was a habit for most passengers, and crew if they had a TV, to turn on channel one to see what the weather was like.
The mighty power of TV, ignoring the sunlight pouring in through the porthole the view on the TV encouraged them to stay in bed!!!!
Cheers
CasinoChris

[Beardy Rich]

Another practical joke I heard of was when one of the ships mechanics thought it would be a good idea to bring his pushbike onboard so that he could use it to get around when the ship docked in port.
A good idea indeed, though not such a good idea to not bother locking it up!
Word got round some of the crew that this particular guy had brought along his bike so just after departing Southampton and with the shell doors still open, his bike magically disappeared.
To this day the whereabouts of the bike is unknown, but it is believed to be somewhere on the sea bed off the Isle Of Wight!

[Beardy Rich]

Here's another memory, though not a practical joke. The Asst Mechanics used a store cupboard on 6 deck to keep various tools and lifting equipment in (chain blocks, rope pulleys and the like).
The 'Donkeyman' in charge of them was a character named Brian Atkinson. We used to nickname him 'akeyboo' or 'akey' for short.
During the start of one of the World Cruises, the ship had anchored off Acapulco for the day and some bright spark had written in chalk on the bulkhead over the cupboard 'Akey pull co'. Of course, when the Asst Mechanics 'turned-to' in the morning they immediately spotted this and all burst out with laughter.

[Cunardqueen]

I wonder what, if any "jokes" or acts of revenge were placed on really annoying passengers  if they made a fuss about meals, cabins, drinks etc. ..... Then again its a dish best served cold and when nobody is watching...

Or what about jokes played on new crew members when they first arrived onboard, tartan paint & skyhooks .. 

[Blue Bombay]

I wonder what, if any "jokes" or acts of revenge were placed on really annoying passengers  if they made a fuss about meals, cabins, drinks etc. ..... Then again its a dish best served cold and when nobody is watching...

Yes the jokes on passengers they are the best lol. 

Every heard the saying dont send a food dish back.......

Louis

[Cunardqueen]

Louis,
 What about the bar staff.....did they have any tricks up their sleeve

[rough crossing]

I wonder what, if any "jokes" or acts of revenge were placed on really annoying passengers  if they made a fuss about meals, cabins, drinks etc. ..... Then again its a dish best served cold and when nobody is watching...

Funny you should mention that, we've always wondered about an incident at dinner on board the QM2 maiden trans atlantic. We soon became aware of a very loud, unsuitably-dressed couple sat behind us, who proceeded to order two large burgers and chips, to be washed down with coca cola. We had just started bemoaning slipping Cunard standards and how we didn't feel this would have been tolerated on the good old QE2, when we were startled by a loud expletive from behind - it seems the waiter had 'accidentally' deposited both cola's in the gentlemans lap - we never saw the couple in the restaurant again..............

[Cunardqueen]

Ok its not ship related, and maybe off topic but ...
 Where l work a while ago it was late at night and only myself on duty in the bar, which was quite full l had this lady sitting who would insist on coughing, and after a while it began to get on everyones nerves, mine especially, she looked over and caught my eye and voiced clearly "Barman,Do you have something for my throat please" l nodded so she knew l understood and went into the kitchen to get the biggest silver tray we had and got the biggest kitchen cleaver out, placed it on the tray and covered it with a cloth and promptly went back to her table, the other guests l could sense were looking at this tray and wondering what onearth l was doing, presented the tray to the lady and said " For your throat Madam" and whipped the cloth away to show the kitchen cleaver, and for a moment or two l wasnt quite sure how she would take this joke, she looked at the tray, looked at me, and back at the tray and smiled ever so slightly " I like your style, but that wasnt what l ment" Anyway went back to her table with a drink on the house and before she retired she delivered a very kind tip.
 On thing l do hate is this cliking the fingers to attract attention   

[Queet-two]

O
 On thing l do hate is this cliking the fingers to attract attention   

I'm jumping ahead a bit (of my Guest Chef story),. After we had embarked for our first cruise we were duly summoned to the galleys to talk through our cooking demo programmes. I noted an air of suspicion in the air.  All went well, but when Lukie, the crew member 'assigned' to look after us (as if he didn't have enough to do) showed us the wheeled stainless steel store trolley the Philipino porters would use to transport our demo food from the galley to the Queen's room, I noticed that there had been some 'graffiti' in black marker ink.  It had been almost cleaned off, but I could make out the words 'Gary Rhodes is a *****'.   
Gary Rhodes had been the previous 'guest chef' to myself.  I wondered what it meant.

It took a long time before we won the confidence of the galley, and I mean a couple of cruises before they trusted us enough for us to become friends.  Even then the almost erased 'graffiti' was readable.  I finally asked Lukie. 
The answer was *****  ( too rude to be posted here). 

Why?  It appears Gary had flicked his fingers every time he wanted something.  Eventually the galley ignored him and didn't respond.  He asked why he wasn't getting attention. 
Lukie said. "I thought you had chewing gum stuck to your fingers.  We don't click here.  You ****ing want something you say ****ing please."  (As all who know Lukie  will confirm, he uses the 'f' word at least twice per sentence).

Apparently Gary had a 'no-one-speaks-to-me-like-that' fit, adding a fair few profanities himself. 

So everyone just walked away from him.  He had to apologise before he got any further help,  And after that he was as welcome in the galley as a cockroach.

Little wonder they were initially suspicious of me and Dominique.

[Beardy Rich]

I'm not certain if this story is true but it goes something like this...

Breakfast time in one of the restaurants during the early 1980s. Waiter asks American passenger what he would like to order. Passenger replies that he's not sure, waits for a few seconds before saying to the waiter "I'll have whatever you had for your breakfast this morning".
Off goes the waiter and after several minutes, returns to the table where the passenger is eagerly waiting for his breakfast.
The waiter lifts the cloth from his tray to reveal a can of lager and says "here you are sir... this is what I had for my breakfast".
I believe the waiter was later sacked!